Saturday 28 April 2012

that unexpected day...

ok , probably this happens to everyone..still , on such a day , we end up asking "god..why this has to happen to ME ??".. yestday i left my room in mumbai, had to get bak to d hospital in murbad (where i work).. at 4 p.m. ,i caught a cab, calculated d time , about 3 n half hrs it usually takes..so by 7:30 i'ld be there i thought...wanted to reach there as fast as i can, travelling without company is boring.....but i had no idea , no clue at all, wat was waiting for me along this journey...
                at station, after punching coupons, thane train was in line..i had to catch a bus from kalyan...still i boarded that train , thinking i'ld change the train from thane...i was just in no mood at all to wait...n felt hurried..( now this is a very imp tell-tale sign of somthing unusual is going to happen, u feel bit restless/irritated...n u seem to be just hurrying things without getting to a point..)... then i eventlessly reached kalyan, then to murbad by bus at 7p.m. i still had to travel 25km (30 min) more...
                      i should've got into a direct bus to my place, but today i was doin a break-journey, twice !! (1st train , now bus) .. a.s.a. i alighted d bus, i enquired for next bus which was 1/2 hr later...my instant response, without a second thought , was coming out of the stand n looking for alternative..(told u, i couldn't wait) ...it wasn't hard to spot a 15-seater auto parked just outside d gate ( there were many such private autos, which shuttled from bus-stand to nearby villages ) .. also there were roadside stalls of watermelons, lush, red n 'inviting' slices..i was tempted, but my hurry prevailed and my gaze snapped towards that auto, and the last vacant seat in it !!, which gave me an adrenaline rush...i clenched my teeth, hurried my steps, asked d the old man staring curiously at me , "does this go to 'my place' ?...he nodded n i squeezed myself in that dingy vehicle n made it 'housefull' (such autos dont depart until all d seats r occupied)...soon auto started..i admired my luck for it didn't make me wait.....
                now was d perfect time for a twist... typically....when i felt relieved, thinking, i was so close,n this was the last ride i have to take...the road i was travelling on was too bumpy for a highway, i realised after 10 min.( my place is just on highway)...sirens went off n red flags popped up in my mind...i asked that old man again" which is d last stop ?", and again, more loudly..."not my place" he replied.....shoot u !!!..my muscles became taught out of frustration....probably this old fella didn't hear me d 1st time...i swallowed it all,   took a deep breath..again asked him "how much time, baba".."15 min"... i kept quiet...there was no point in exposing myself, they'ld make a fool out of me...so i traveled till end..sneaked into a return-auto, bak to murbad...after 1 hr .... my bus was missed ... next was after 1 n 1/2 hr....damn !! i came bak on d road.... this time i couldn't resist those slices hitting on me, besides i was thirsty n thought they'ld fix me.. ( yeah, the food im tempted to always does that to me, somehow fixes my mood )...it was 8:15p.m.... but this was far from over.........
         .............so after researching for a while, i came to d conclusion, there was no direct auto to my place...one went close, to a place 10km away.means i had to do a break-journey again..."in the name of god !!", i hopped in...it was only half full so i had to wait..but  it was the last one, means i caught d last ferry..hushhh !!
thanked my luck again....reached there at 9p.m.....and came to know there r no autos to go further... the market was already closed except for one hotel....i bought a bisleri there, plus one free advice to ask for a lift.....cars went by, none stopped....most of d bikes were goin double-seat, couples, children sitting on the tank....some were single but they weren't going that far.... i was pacing around the road like a stray, asking for lifts, no success until 1 hr ...10p.m.
               ..........one truck stopped by d hotel, and it was heading in d right direction for me...i hopped in, waited till d driver had his supper...my journey restarted...it was first time i was sitting in a truck ,it felt tall, heavy engine noise...the driver didnt smell of any liquor, so hopefully he would drive safe..he had to go slow because of the load..the view out of the windshield was terrific...headlight lit road, lined by trees on either side...but soon i was dosing off, but speed breakers would wake me up....finally reached my place at 11p.m. (after 7 hrs)...had to take a 15 min walk, on a pitch-dark kachha-road without any street light.. i had no torch.. still i made it with my cell phones screen light, wary of scorpians n snakes.....
                       hospital looked gravely silent, other staff was sleeping already...i went to my room , fell flat on my bed....re-evaluating my day...typically making a list of resolutions to myself....1) never do a break-journey 2) always confirm the destination of vehicle ur boarding 3)carry a torch 4)never hurry but plan...."its nobody but u, all ur fault, u made all d silly mistakes, idiot !!'...may be i continued making d list even in my dreams........                       
                    

Friday 20 April 2012

roamer wanderer nomad vagabond.....

its a metal song cald 'wherever i may roam' by metallica. somehow i feel connected to this song. its been 10 yrs of my roaming at places...(i notice this habit of mine now, instead of giving single fullstop after each sentence, i tend to give a few dots....don't know why?)..
              i've been mostly away frm home since 2003,thats after my 10th.. n i was never aware of turns my life took over these yrs...it all happened by shear chance..i had scored good in 10th. had no idea which college to go for..then one of my frnds parents suggested my parents , i could get a seat in RSM,latur...that college was known as a 'factory' coz it gave abt 200 rankers each yr (big number for a single college)...sadly the guy whose parents helped my way here fell short of few marks..he must've thought abt that funny n bitter word.. "cut-off" (get d pun :) ..did u just rhyme it wid that popular slang "f-off", in ur mind lol..probably thats wat colege management means..
                      as a paying guest, i spent 2 yrs in this city..i had no partner..sometimes my mom wud stay wid me, few days every month..college was strict..i was a regular n sincere student..i simply did wat they told me to...gave my medical entrance exam..went bak home...was enjoying holidays..no expectations or anticipations in my mind..just a hope that i should do good, if not best....one evening, i was lying lazy in my bed, reading a weekly, already bored of vacations....got a call frm our colege... BOOM !! the news fell like the way hiroshima n nagasaki were bombed..i had cracked d exam...almost every1 who knew me was in shock..(can say that was d day i saw max no. of gaping mouths in my life hehe...) my feelings were like," something unusual has happened"..couldn't accurately fathom, wat it was though ?....next thing i knew, i was going to go to mumbai...now it was my turn to get shocked..i was apprehensive to come to this "big city"....
                          but d time went so swiftly..it doesn't feel any close to 8 long yrs of living in a hostel..n now i'm in thane,another place, i never thought i would be at......check d lyrics of this song below........
          (And the road becomes my bride)

And the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride
So in her I do confide
And she keeps me satisfied
Gives me all I need

And with dust in throat I crave
Only knowledge will I save
To the game you stay a slave

Roamer, wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will

But I'll take my time anywhere
Free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere

Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home

(And the earth becomes my throne)

And the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
Under wandering stars I've grown
By myself but not alone
I ask no one

And my ties are severed clean
Less I have the more I gain
Off the beaten path I reign

Roamer, wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will

But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll never mind anywhere

Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home

But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind
And I'll take my find anywhere

Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home
I say!

But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere

Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home

Carved upon my stone
My body lie, but still I roam,
Yeah yeah!

Wherever I may roam


Monday 16 April 2012

A dead virtual life..

some 4 yrs bak i was happy one day looking at my new nokia xpress music, held tenderly like a baby in my hands.placed a few pecks on d screen. even feeling a lil dizzy n lightheaded..i almost levitated of that kind of happiness:).afterall it was my 1st multimedia phone.on d same day i activated gprs on my loop network.and i was born into d world of internet..

        initially i surfed usual stuff..google ,fb,mail..then i came across photospace. com, a mobile chat site. i registered "hermitxdevil"(thought for abt 10 min. for this name)..n posted a 'helllooooo....' in the new-bee forum..i checked my inbox 3-4 times a day , no msg except a formal welcome from d site admin(that too probably auto-generated)..most of d members were from foreign uk,us,sa,aus,nz, only few indians. later i realised how d asians were ignored n looked down upon..barbed remarks in d shoutbox.. i started posting in d forums fun,jokes,games..trying to make dem witty..be-able to tickle a funny bone..but keeping it clean, being nice.n slowly i got some friends n followers..some tried taking a shot at me, but i silenced dem, giving dem d taste of their own medicine..
            one day SHE inboxed me 'hi'..we got talking, same stuff..name,job,music,food,likes,dislikes...next was...wat u doin now..eating ,woke up, shopping, tired,bored,partying, got operated yestday (she was, for stomach ulcer)..her name was leonie, she always msg me 1st asa i logged in.. hi wid a smile was d regular..later dat changed to hi wid a hug..she lived on her own in a flat..away from her family.she won't tell me wat happened..she did tell me she had an indian bf 'jay' she brokeup wid 6 months bak..
          i also made a few frnds, katz frm sa, lea frm aus, kash frm pak, angela frm us...after 6 months they felt much like real frnds..i became so addicted to this site, i would stay locked in my room, bunked classes, didn't bath, spent nights , even skipped meals at times..it was showing on my health, dark circles, lethargy, disturbed bowel...
          in d meantime, i increasingly grew fond of leonie, we xchanged numbers, called her only a few times though (isd rates !!), just to confirm it was a girl for real n d same girl..but that only made d connection more strong...one day she msged 'i l u ' ...i actually felt wat its called "butterflies" all over my body..a hollow in my stomach, a catch in my breathe, throbbing of my heart.. i can still vividly recall that experience...it was 1st of its kind n d funny part was it never occurred to me in real life, but in a virtual life....
           and for d next month i wasn't myself..i had d insight but no control over my love-stung mind..it drifted , daydreamed ...drifted far away, at times urged me "get up idiot,catch a flight to london, n hold leonie in ur arms" ..intensity of d urge was strong but at same time realisation of this being 'mad' was there.i felt split into two parts..
           and oneday d site just vanished..the address couldn't be found..leonie's number just beeped..i must've tried it 1000 times, hoping someday it'll ring...that part of me, hermitxdevil, was dead...and it took a few months to recover from d restlessness i got from d memories of her.........

Thursday 5 April 2012

begining of a stint at d countryside

here  iam  abt 120km away from mumbai near d foothills of malshej on nagar highway,in a village where ive come for 1st time in my life..screw this 1 yr service bond agreement i made for completing my medical degree from a govt. college..i curse under my breath..after 10 days past it feels like perfect concept of wanwas straight out of d epic ramayana..(clear it from ur mind if im comparing myself to lord rama..)im staying in a dingy 1RK quarter provided in d RURAL HOSPITAL campus ..theres a dry river(which will flow in wet season) n barren hills at d backside..the place isnt remote though..its 5 mins walk from nagar highway from where u get frequent buses for kalyan ..as ive landed here in months of summer , no doubt d burning hot problems of its own are going to bug me...slap of my rooms made of cement sheets so it wont be loud if say i take my afternoon naps in a microwave oven wet wid my own sweat (off course d fan doesnt help ,  gave a thought to buying a cooler but that went to trash as by the time i wait for my months salary, 2/3rd summer would b already over)..
the view in rainy season
  abt d scarcity of water, i consider myself lucky to take a shower on alternate days in these humid days...n d worst part is drinking waters hard (boarwell water) of which i gulp bottles but it refuses to quench my thirst (buck up only few more days till ur body gets used to) ..(nd i fear if i get a stone stuck in my ureters, all these salts my kidneys filtering)...


                              as for d work , theres a 9 to 12 morning opd abt 30 to 40 patients daily ....children , pregnant women , n d regular visitors-sr citizens...the lot with preferable health concern in any society...most of them poor tribals..for rest of d day im 'on duty' to attend trauma , snake/scorpian bite cases , deliveries....the ghat highway is notorious for accidents. last week there were two post mortems , unfortunates who got their skulls cracked in two different road mishaps...and 2 were critical so had to be refered out to a tertiary centre (ours is a very basic facility with drugs like some antipyretics , anti-inflammatory, n some primary antibiotics..at the most we can stitch a lacerated wound here but trauma cases- far away from our limits...) 
                                 deliveries r fun to conduct but also they r most feared for d matter of their sensitivity n risk..1st part-  judging them for any problem n that to only on clinical basis..u have no tools of investigation for help..then if at all the baby has some problems u have no facilities for resuscitation...something goes wrong, be ready to receive d fury of savage relatives who wont take any sort of honest or logical reasoning from u...stories from d past say it to d point of beating d same doctor they put even wid god if all goes well...keen judgement , straight forwardness , n anticipation is d key to save urself..(we call it 1st-save-ur-ass strategy)... and for any serious patient for that matter we have our own ambulance ready..at our disposal... wat comes with practice is being able to make a serious face (one like a scarecrow) send them off ahead ...say goodbye... till next time ( may be ???)... ;D